Bertie plays tennis every lunchtime at Archbishops Park , rugby every Saturday and works out every other day. He has developed a rather embarrassing health problem.
Bertie slips into the giant fridge to cool off after sport and can't stop himself eating ice cream. It's cold, it's liquid; he's hot and thirsty. Before he knows it, he's eaten an entire tub of Real Walnut or Canadian Maple or Surrey Strawberry.
His wife Frances has noticed that stock is missing. She's had to raise the price by ten pence in the pound. She's harangued the staff for theft.
"When I find out who's been spiriting the stuff away, they'll be gone, too," she warned them, "to jail." She tells Bertie. "You're too easy on people."
Bertie lives in dread of Frances' rage. He lives in terror of forgetting to flush the toilet and her finding the evidence.
There are times, he thinks, when I wish I were anorexic.
Car 6 map