Car 1

Mr Donald Varda

Outward appearance

Ebullient, 30, blond, plump, in a tight grey suit fashionable a decade ago. He sits in the last empty seat and the man next to him shifts. Donald grins, fixedly.

Inside information

A financial advisor at the Kennington Building Society. Its deposit accounts offer the highest interest rates in Britain.

What he is doing or thinking

Donald is re-imagining the ending to An American Werewolf in London. The hero, Harold, realizes only Jenny Agutter can kill him and set him free. He tries to make her take the gun, singing "It Has to be You". She weeps for him. Then, he begins to change. The werewolf chases her through her flat, just as the white haired expert arrives...

Cut to a children's cartoon on television. It features Wile E Coyote and is followed by a commercial for the American Lycanthropy Society. It shows Harold at work, in a bank. "We are pleased and proud to have Harold as part of our clerical team," says the manager. Drugged up to the eyeballs, Harold shakes his hand. His grin is fixed, desperate. "Werewolves can lead normal, productive lives," says the expert. "I should know. I am a werewolf."

The camera pulls back from the TV. Harold is being made to eat breakfast by his wife. She is not Jenny Agutter. The soundtrack plays "It Had to Be You." All Harold's victims surround him, and in their midst is Jenny Agutter. He killed her too. She looks on and weeps.

Where did I get that from? Donald wonders. Then he remembers. He works in a bank.

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