Car 1

Ms Danni Jarret

Outward appearance

Alarming. Bright red pantsuit, workman's donkey jacket. Black T shirt on which Pooh appears to be buggering Piglet. Danni is carefully writing in a notebook, and giggling to herself.

Inside information

Works for the Department of Health, Elephant and Castle. By night she is a stand up comic, billed as The Stand Up Civil Servant. She is writing a new routine. She writes each routine only once, in very clear block capitals, in pencil so she can erase and rework.

What she is doing or thinking

She is aware that the woman next to her is reading over her shoulder and is stiffening with shock.

This is providing Danni with a great deal of inspiration. Sammy the Sperm Cell has just discovered that he's been shot up someone's arse and has been making love to a turd. Danni then asks the audience: have you ever been up someone's arsehole? Tastes terrible, doesn't it? First time I did it, I went home and stuck my face in a bucket of Flash. Whenever I do it now, I get a Flashback. Ho ho.

At that point, her pencil breaks. Sammy will have to wait. It has been great fun shocking someone, but she really needs to write in pencil. Danni stands up to get off at Waterloo and buy a pencil at W H Smiths. She passes her neighbour, who looks about 50 and is almost certainly a virgin. In a moment of inspiration, Danni pushes her neighbour's nose like a button. "You keep sticking that in funny places, it'll get bitten off," she promises.

Previous passenger
Next passenger
Car 1 map
Journey Planner